I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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