So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
