lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
