i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
