Don't you send me to vm
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
