just come out here and I will go home with you...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
