yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
