You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
