In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
