Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
