if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
