When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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