i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
