Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Two words: blizzard sex
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
