maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
