there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My penis needs a shock collar
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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