At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
