I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
