If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
