It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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