I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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