I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
