I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
