took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
