i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
