You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
