Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
