turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
