Where did you get a picture of my penis
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
