Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
