i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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