He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
