I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
