her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
