Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
