Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize