I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she smelled like a LAN party
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
