just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
