I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
