a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
