So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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