I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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