I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
