Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
