My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize