hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
