So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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