Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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