Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
