I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
should my penis look like a turkey
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
