So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
