So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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