3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
