he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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