you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
