in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My vagina just clenched in fear
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
