Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
