He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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