Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
