it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I need to align my fucking chakras
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