i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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