Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize