Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Randomize
