OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
