You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
