'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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