he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
