The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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