She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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