How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
