my mouth tastes like poor choices
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Randomize
