I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
