i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
