we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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