I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
