did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
