I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
