She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Randomize
