There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
