Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
